BeckyI know this post is way off the beaten path from my usual budgeting posts, but I can’t let National Infertility Awareness Week go by without mentioning it. Our infertility experience is partially what caused my husband and I to start our debt freedom journey and in turn brought this blog into fruition.
National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24-30th) is a week to remember those struggling with infertility. It’s a week to reflect on those couples wanting children so badly and trying so hard to become mothers and fathers. It’s a day for those struggling with infertility to band together with others who are also struggling with infertility by sharing their experiences and celebrating their triumphs.
My husband and I were already budgeting and paying down our debt and on our way to debt freedom. However, when we started talking about our future and the thought of having children, it scared me to think about having debt looming over our heads.
The thought of having children in the near future was the catalyst that pushed us to hustle through our debt faster. We wanted to focus all our attention on having children and being able to financially support them as well.
It was in the middle of our debt freedom journey that we started thinking, “maybe having kids won’t be as easy as we thought it would be!” As weeks turned into months and months turned into years, we found ourselves in the midst of infertility doctor appointments, ultrasounds, chlomid, dairy-free living, hormone tests, HSG tests, acupuncture and more.
It was also during this time that I dived into budgeting to distract myself from the sorrows we were facing in not being able to conceive. I began to truly enjoy budgeting and crunching numbers and it was my escape from all the swirling chaos around me.
You see, to some infertility isn’t even a blip in their mind, while to others it’s like walking around with an umbrella over your head and an ever-present rain cloud pouring down above you. I don’t know that the dreadful feeling ever fully goes away either.
If you’re one of the “lucky ones” who is eventually able to conceive, you still worry that either you’ll have trouble conceiving future children down the road or that you’ll pass it down to your children if that’s even possible!
To top it all off, every time you meet someone or hear of someone’s story who is struggling with infertility, you feel their pain on a different wavelength than others. You remember the long-awaited pregnancy test results, the months that turn into years longing to hold your baby, the dreadful children’s birthday party invites, the social media pregnancy announcements and the close friends and family all around you having babies and growing their families.
Don’t get me wrong! I was happy for those around us that we’re expanding their families and celebrating the excitement that comes with a new baby. But all the while, there was this empty hole in my soul that couldn’t be filled, no matter how hard I tried.
You feel like you’re at this dead-end road while everyone around you keeps driving through. If you’re like me, you feel isolated and like you can’t open up to anyone because there’s something wrong with you. It’s almost a feeling of shame, which looking back makes me so sad for that version of myself. You want to be able to surprise family with a pregnancy announcement, but instead you just continue to slip into an unspoken sadness.
Infertility can feel isolating, which is why it’s so important to show support and provide education on this topic during the one week of the year that’s dedicated to it. 1 in 5 couples will struggle with infertility. No one ever thinks it will be them.
The joke was on me because in the end God blessed us with a sweet baby boy the month AFTER we paid off our debt! We decided we weren’t ready for any real medical interventions, ie-IUIs (intrauterine insemination) or IVF (in vetro fertilization). We wanted to give our bodies more time to conceive naturally and they did just that!
The saving grace of this whole experience for me is that I grew closer to God, learned to love our personal finances, and started loving myself for who I am! I remember getting up most mornings and heading straight to the gym. When I’d get home, I’d make a cup of coffee or tea, read my bible and journal my thoughts and prayers.
Can I just say how redeeming it is to look back at those journals now and see all that God answered in our lives during those 2.5, almost 3 years?!
At the time, some of those mornings were rough. Lots of “why NOT me, God?” Looking back now, I have such fond memories of those quiet mornings to spend alone because I learned so much about myself and my strength and my endurance. I learned more about God and his goodness and faithfulness to hear our prayers as well.
I believe God puts those desires in our hearts. If you want to have a baby, He wants you to receive that gift too. But like Theodore Roosevelt said, “nothing worth having comes easy.” I grew so much during those dark moments.
So, to all the couples out there still praying for their sweet baby to be in their arms and to all the couples on the brink of giving up; never give up hope.
If you’re one of the 1 in 5 couples suffering from infertility, know that you’re never alone. Our journeys are all unique and for some of us, meeting our children is the longest, most rewarding experience of our lives!
Join me in cheering on those who are suffering with infertility by bringing more awareness to National Infertility Awareness Week and educating those around us.
